Moni K: Overcoming trauma of bipolar and Addiction on medication

The energy started to flow from inside me

It all started at the elementary school. We started to visit the betting shop. Finally I felt that there is something in my life I like and am good at. I started going there on my own then. And the slot machines. The fulfillment of my life. I was kind of excessive player. I desperately wanted money back. And then, casino. A bummer. Calling my father that I need money. I introduced him my plan. And it worked. I broke my casino loyalty card. My friend got half of it. And by chance, I was admitted to university. Brand new world, I liked the people. I felt that I have some potential. The enrgy started to flow from inside me. Now I only play, I don´t contest.

I began to hear birds singing again.

Feelings of alienation, within myself. I became a workoholic. I had the urge to please others. Dead end. Self denial. Diagnosis: depression. Antidepressants enabled me not to dare for self-realisation, for ideas I was bearing from my childhood. I did things againts my conscience and the pills enabled me not to take care about it.
Then I collapsed. I planned to kill myself. Psychiatric clinic. Relax. 9 pills at a time. Clinical death. I floated and was entering the consciousness of other people. I saw everyone trying to be good. And I did too. Interview with God. God is not a guy, it is a reality, acceptance of reality.
I realized a simple principle. Having been scared not to deny my children something they had, I denied them their father. After I released them, they became my first friends from the new world.
I went of all the medication at once. After 7 years. I felt relief. I began to hear birds singing again. We take pills because we feel pain. But the pain only says: "you have to change something."

Recovery as a way of finding the soul

Finding THE truth... Stressful job. Strange, new experiences. Oracular messages. Suspicion from telepathy. First road to the clinic. Medication. Withdrawing medication. Interrupting the process. Self-hospitalisation. Depot injection. Tough diagnosis. Psychosis as a meaningful process. Shall I také the alternative way or shall I stay in the system of care?

Juraj: "It´s up to me whom I take for the journey of recovery with me."

My best friend who also used methamphetamine jumped from the window. He could not manage any more. And also my father wanted to jump from a window. He drank too much. I called the police and ambulance. After these two situations, I quit using meth. My parents helped me a lot. And I started to meet other people. And started to spend more time in the nature. Riding bicycle. Swimming. Gettng tired. And I met people from a community of old-slavic musicians. And they showed me that you can live in connection with the nature.

Human connection as the opposite of addiction

More people paid my attention to this article and I think that the point Johann Hari makes is very good. The sense of belonging is desperately needed if someone  quits addiction.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html
Czech translation:

http://archetypal.cz/2015/johann-hari-the-likely-cause-of-addiction/

Marketa, part 2: Leaving heroin after the death of my friend

Still locked in my past. No awareness of trauma. The urge to use heroin. To try it. Yoga exercise after the first dose. Then several attempts to get drug free. Interesting experience for several months but then it was the same, stereotypical. I need to change my life totally. My friend died after sniffing heroin. And it was the last impulse for me. I flew to New Zealand. Spent all my money. Desperate. Then I hitchhiked and a a guy took me to his farm. He was ex-junkie, ex-criminal, ex-dealer. And I lived with him for three months. He was a kind of a shaman. After leaving the farm, it was definitive. And there was also the ayurveda teacher. He explained me that I can reach those positive experiences of drug even without the drug. The feeling that you cannot stop using, it is illusion.