The energy started to flow from inside me

It all started at the elementary school. We started to visit the betting shop. Finally I felt that there is something in my life I like and am good at. I started going there on my own then. And the slot machines. The fulfillment of my life. I was kind of excessive player. I desperately wanted money back. And then, casino. A bummer. Calling my father that I need money. I introduced him my plan. And it worked. I broke my casino loyalty card. My friend got half of it. And by chance, I was admitted to university. Brand new world, I liked the people. I felt that I have some potential. The enrgy started to flow from inside me. Now I only play, I don´t contest.

I began to hear birds singing again.

Feelings of alienation, within myself. I became a workoholic. I had the urge to please others. Dead end. Self denial. Diagnosis: depression. Antidepressants enabled me not to dare for self-realisation, for ideas I was bearing from my childhood. I did things againts my conscience and the pills enabled me not to take care about it.
Then I collapsed. I planned to kill myself. Psychiatric clinic. Relax. 9 pills at a time. Clinical death. I floated and was entering the consciousness of other people. I saw everyone trying to be good. And I did too. Interview with God. God is not a guy, it is a reality, acceptance of reality.
I realized a simple principle. Having been scared not to deny my children something they had, I denied them their father. After I released them, they became my first friends from the new world.
I went of all the medication at once. After 7 years. I felt relief. I began to hear birds singing again. We take pills because we feel pain. But the pain only says: "you have to change something."